Day 5 - Special Treatment for a Special Someone, me.

"You can use this one."

She said to me knowing that it would be too hard to swipe my card and walk, nay, crutch through the barricade in the alotted time one swipe would yield before closing again. I guess she didn't want to see the red seas part for me, only for the walls to come crashing back down on me as cross the middle, completely helpless. Maybe she didn't want that on her conscience, she could possibly lose her job over that. Selfish b*tch. She doesn't know what its like. My arms burn like a scorching case of herpes that Andy Dick so eloquently described in the feature film Old Skool, and she has the balls (read: ovaries) to tell me to use this one because she's afraid I may not seize the day and get through the security clearance without the pylons coming smacking back at me mid-crutch. Sure that would cause a scene, but doesn't everybody like a little entertainment? F*ck her, and f*ck her $7.55 an hour job at the front desk.

I can use this one.

Yea I can use this one, but I can also use the other one that requires a swipe of my card. I can do it. I am young and well balanced. Give me a chance I'll show you, I don't want your sympathy. I certainly won't need it later when your having multiples begging me to let you come, back over the next day.

She doesn't know this is how I feel, I coyly smile back at her and say "Thank you, you're an angel, whats your name?" She blushes, its on. Looks like I just found my valentine, if only it were this easy with two good legs.

So I use this one, the one she points out, and yes I don't need to swipe to leave.

Well that was certainly easier, maybe I should receive special treatment. I mean everybody wants to help, everybody wants to do something nice for a temporary handicap so they can go home later and feel good about themselves, look at themselves in the mirror and smile as if they made a f*cking difference in the world. What makes you so special? Why do you deserve to use me as an object of self-fulfillment? Grow up and do something real, I don't want your special love, I'll only give you the privilege if you are sincere (unlike that girl on the picnic blanket today, but much like my teammates and that blonde bombshell who has a crush on me but is playing hard to get, we'll save this story for another day).

And yes by using this one, it was easier. So she feels good both now and later, I crutch through the express lane with ease and everybody wins? Yeah, everybody is happy. Well gee, what else can I get away with by being temporarily handicap? The day is young, the possibilities are endlessly hanging in the air like a cloud of toxic smoke from a Cash4Gold test facility, and I am excited to receive the full special treatment package that a temporary handicap can receive.

I am not milking the system, I am not taking advantage of anyone. You are my friends and a friend in need is a friend indeed (not a pest like Vince Vaughn might think, but he was dealing with a stage 5). The treatment I receive in public only makes up for the struggle we temporary handicap go through when alone. Trivial tasks like preparing meals, bathing, sleeping, or dancing that you two legged people do with ease makes us wince with pain as if using coarse grain sandpaper instead of your favorite hand lotion when its me time.

So if you see a struggling handicap, be polite, be courteous, if not for yourself then do it to ease the pain. I look forward to seeing how far this can go. But remember, as Peter Parker was once told, advice he should've heeded sooner rather than later, so be sure to know that "with great power, comes great responsibility."

Happy Valentines Day, to Me.